The Teen Years Are Here

On Monday of this week, my amazing first-born daughter, Annie, celebrated her thirteenth birthday. Yes, I am now the parent of a teenager. I know it sounds cliche’, but I truly am grappling with the concept that 13 years have already passed since a doctor first told me “It’s a girl!” and actually let me walk out of the hospital with this amazing little being in my arms…to keep and love forever! It’s been quite an adventure thus far and we now enter the next dimension…parenting a teenager.

At the risk of embarassing her (because it doesn’t take much to embarass a teenager, as we all know), I wanted to share some thoughts with Annie about what it means to me to be her mom.

My Dear Annie,

Thirteen years ago, my greatest wish was granted when I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mother. I played “house” as a little girl and I always wanted to be the mom. I’m not sure what makes a person want to be a mom from such a young age and to know it’s part of their destiny. Perhaps it was the deep love I felt for my own mother or perhaps it was just some internal instinct. As I grew older, I was certainly able to express my reasons more clearly…the desire to nurture and love another person, to create a special childhood for them, to perhaps leave a little piece of myself behind when I leave this world someday.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you were a hope and a dream before you became a reality. That could certainly be a lot to live up to, don’t you think? After all, what if you didn’t live up to my expectations? That’s the funny thing, though. Even though I hoped and dreamed about my own child, I didn’t have any expectations of what you would be like or even if you’d be a boy or a girl. I was just fascinated to see who exactly I would be blessed with as my child and excited about the journey ahead of us.

To say you’ve been a precious gift would be an understatement. You began talking at a very young age and could speak short sentences by the time you were 14 months old. Your vocabulary was incredible. Your obsession with books (a passion of my own since childhood) started early and delighted me to no end. You were a happy, funny, inquisitive little girl who brought so much joy to the lives of everyone who knew you.

As you’ve grown, it’s been an amazing journey to watch you develop your own unique personality. Your witty and clever sense of humor keeps us on our toes. You have an intense need to do the right thing and hate to disappoint anyone. You’re a loyal friend and people warm up to you easily. Though I have no clue where you get it from, your gift for playing the clarinet has been a delight to watch for the past three years and I look forward to watching you develop even further as a musician in the years ahead.

I think every parent probably looks at their child as if looking in a mirror from time to time, wondering “Where am I in this human being I helped to create?” With you, it’s often very easy for me to see myself. There’s the obvious comments we get from people all the time that we look alike, but what I love most is seeing your love of reading, the way you take every free moment as an opportunity to read just a few more pages. I love the pleasure you take in writing and your strong spelling skills. I recognize myself in your sensitivity and your gregarious nature and your fear of performing alone in front of a crowd. I melt when I watch your gentle, patient, loving way with Aunt Wendy. Those are all things that make me say “Yep, I had a little something to do with this.”

However, I think my greatest pride comes not from the ways we are alike, but the ways we are different. There are two things I admire deeply about you, Annie. One is your ability to laugh at yourself. You don’t take things too seriously and you have a great attitude when you do something clumsy or slightly embarassing. Not many people your age have that skill. The trait I probably love most about you, though, is your self-confidence. You don’t try to be something you’re not or change your personality to fit a certain group of kids at school. You are just Annie: smart, friendly, funny, a little clumsy, playful, polite, generous, eager to do well in school and just a beautiful person inside and out. You’re not perfect and you don’t pretend to be. You don’t pretend to like or not like something because of what other people might think of you. This is truly an incredible character trait, one that many people struggle with even in adulthood, and I hope it will always stay with you. I think I’m just starting to develop that skill myself and I’m 40. 🙂

There are going to be some challenges in the years ahead, from your desire for more and more independence to so many “firsts” like high school, dating and learning to drive. I look forward to the adventure with you, my beautiful daughter. You will “fall” from time to time as you learn to navigate the world as a young adult, but I will always be here to catch you…no matter what. I love you, Gracie.

Love,
Mom